I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who is a personal development coach. I was oddly surprised when she told me that the main thing people come to her for is advice on how to improve their relationships. Not to have a relationship, but to have better ones. I say oddly for two reasons. First, at first thought you would think that people would go to a personal development coach for something they want to change about themselves or achieve, in our society usually career goals or money. Second, I say oddly, because in a way I should not have been surprised because the most important thing in life is connection and therefore relationships. Even though it might not be the first thing people say when talking about what they 'want' from their life, almost all of us are walking around looking for more connection, whether we know it or not. We are hardwired for it.
Interestingly, another friend of mine who works for an NGO in Vancouver did a survey of young people about their biggest concerns for their own health. You know what their number one answer was? Lack of connection due to phones, social media and technology in general. Young people are smarter than we give them credit for, but that is another topic.
So back to better relationships and connection. I must say of all the things I have read and learned about relationships, this is what struck me the most. That most of the time, like 90% we are not even listening! We are in our own heads thinking about what we are going to say next, formulating our response.
If the above quote is true, and I have no doubt that it is, how could we possibly have good relationships if we are not even listening most of the time??
Whenever I catch myself listening to respond, which I have to admit is not as often as I would like, I figuratively flip a switch in my mind and stop. It is amazing when I do it because I instantaneously feel my whole body relax and feel way more present. And it feels really good!
Having that conversation with my friend brought this to the forefront of my mind again, and I am going to really focus on doing this right now. I hope you do too, I promise you will feel the positive results immediately.
All the best and be well from Sinergia Wellness.